In the September 2008 blog I talked about the confidence that is exhibited in the black belt attitude. Being confident in one’s technique and training can be a life-safer in a dangerous situation. Flinching or tightening up due to fear can cause the necessary actions to be too slow or too weak.
Where does the confidence come from? Confidence is built in steps as we overcome increasingly difficult challenges utilizing resources we have acquired (skills, knowledge, strength, balance, etc.). Each time we accomplish or overcome a challenge, we grain greater confidence in ourselves and in our skills.
One of the opposites of confidence is fear; and more specifically fear of failure. Fear can hold us back from trying. And, if we do not try, how can we ever have a chance to succeed? We need to take many chances (and, yes, fail many times) to allow ourselves to grow from the experience so we can become stronger and wiser and more capable.
Fear can also make our efforts weak or misdirected. When we let fear take hold of our minds, it can distract us. It can cause us to pause too long before making an important, split-second decision. Letting fear take control of our bodies can make our movements stiff and dis-jointed.
Fear is a necessary mechanism wired into our bodies, but we must overcome it and use it as a necessary tool. Fear can help us recognize a dangerous situation. But once the fear is felt, we need to compartmentalize it and keep it from affecting our actions.
Overcoming fear of failure is important for all people, not just martial artists. I think fear of failure is probably one of the most insidious, self-damaging things that we can allow ourselves to succumb to. It keeps us from growing and becoming successful. It sometimes leads us to make excuses and even lie to ourselves. It can make us create a facade of arrogance as we pretend to others we aren’t weak or fearful. That facade of arrogance further erodes our confidence and continues to increase our fear of failure.
Remember the Back-To-School pool party at the FloRider? It was awesome! Many of us, including me, had never done it before. I knew I was going to fall many times before figuring out how to stay up. If I gave into the fear of looking goofy, I would have never had the opportunity to feel the satisfaction (and fun!) of finally being able to stay up! It took me many times to get it right. Many of the falls were spectacularly unflattering. Eventually, finally, amazingly, I was able to stay up.
To help us overcome fear, we should put down our facade of arrogance that we use as a self-defense mechanism. Quit trying to pretend we are something we are not. We know we are pretending, and guess what, many around us also know we are pretending. Be proud of who you are! Humility is an aid to overcoming false-arrogance and a tool that helps us to be able to really learn.
After accepting where we are we can move forward. The next time we are faced with the challenge that may require several tries, don't focus on what people might think. Instead, focus on the task. And each time you fail, examine why, make the adjustment and try again. Success is then finally inevitable.
In order to grow and succeed, we must forget about the minor consequences of failure. So what if you do not look perfect? Try hard, do your best, and tomorrow, do it again!
-Sigung Kelly Corder
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