Do you think that human qualities, such as intelligence and skills, can be cultivated over time? Or are they fixed in stone: people are either skilled or unskilled at certain things?
How you answer that question might indicate how successful you can be in life and in your martial arts training.
We all want to believe that anything is possible if we just try. But, some of us while we say that are still thinking that some people are born with natural abilities and that’s just the way it is.
Sure, there are prodigies out there, but I am talking about the huge majority of ‘normal’ people: you and me. We might have some natural talents at certain things, but those basic talents will only get you so far. Then desire, hard work, and practice must take over. Some of us forget that and, instead, rely on the natural talents in our efforts forever. For those people, mediocre effort is all that is expended and no optimum success will ever be reached.
What I am talking about is a mindset. The mindset is fixed versus growth. The fixed mindset person believes that you are born a certain way and nothing can change that. This mindset believes you are either smart or you are not. You are either good at math or you are not. You are either successful or not.
Here’s the first trap: Jonny does something well at home and Jonny’s mom compliments him, “Hey Jonny, you solved that problem so quickly, you must be math-wiz!” Now Jonny might be doomed. Either he has to keep up appearances of being great at math or he will not be living up to his mom’s expectations. Of course math will get harder, and his natural skill will not be up to the challenge, and when Jonny realizes the answers don’t just come to him automatically, he will start to doubt that he really is a math-wiz. Then he must avoid the difficult situations where everyone may realize he is a fake. He won’t seek help for the difficult work because if he did, then he must not really be the super awesome math-wiz that he is supposed to already be! Poor Jonny! Now Jonny might even resort to cheating to get ahead. Or making up excuses, “I could do that if I wanted to, but I don’t really want to.”
Here’s the second trap: Mary attempts something and is not successful. Mary’s dad says “Mary, it’s okay you are not that good at baseball, you just don’t have the athlete gene!” Mary now thinks that you are either born with it or not. Why try? If she were meant to be good at something, it should show immediately.
Both Mary and Jonny get to the same fixed mindset destination from different paths. But, either way, the idea that effort, practice, or hard work can overcome challenges is not part of their mindset.
That’s what we need to overcome for ourselves. We need to adopt the growth mindset.
Growth-minded people are willing to challenge themselves, even fail, so that they can finally accomplish their goals. Growth-minded people do not see failure as a reflection of who they are. Failure is just an intermediate result along the way towards success. Or rather, a single failure is just a reflection of a certain set of circumstances that just didn’t quite work out as hoped.
A growth-minded person will then make adjustments and try again. Growth-minded people do not give up. Giving up is for fixed-minded people – why bother? Why try? It’s hopeless… etc.
A fixed-minded person is afraid to compete because if they lose, everyone will know they are a failure.
A fixed-minded person is happy when others fail because it makes it easier for them to succeed.
A fixed-minded person worries more about what people think of them than about who they really are. A fixed-minded person lives in fear (fear of failure, fear of being exposed, etc.)
A growth-minded person will try anything. Losing an event does not mean anything except they happened to lose on that day. It doesn’t make them bad or good, a success or a failure.
A growth-minded person knows that more effort and more practice will enable a better result next time.
A growth minded-person knows who they are and knows who they can be.
So how to we adopt this mentality?
For the people around us: praise the effort, not the result or the person. “I see you worked really hard on that, it shows!”
For ourselves: remember that every day we get to choose how hard we can work and how much effort we will put forth. The harder we work, the ‘luckier’ we get! Ask yourself this every day: What did you learn today that you didn’t know yesterday? What mistake did you make today that taught you something? What did you work on that will make improvements in your life (or your martial arts)?
As you ask these questions, you will focus on the work and the improvement of self. You will begin to enjoy the journey and not necessarily be waiting for the destination.
-Sigung
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