The Results of Hard Work

Some people are simply amazing in their ability to grasp a concept and make it their own. Some people have the physical prowess to see a martial arts technique and execute it near perfect the first time.

Sadly, I am not one of the people. Because of that I have struggled to gain a skill and failed miserably and looked bad in the process. It’s a good thing I have tough skin, because falling down can hurt!

One thing I am grateful I do have is a strong will and a desire to get it right eventually. It might take me longer, but if it is important enough, it’s worth it.

Here’s a clip from a post by Stephen Kesting, a fellow Kajukenbo practitioner and BJJ Black Belt:

"So I’m touring Casa Loma recently, the famous castle in downtown Toronto and the largest private residence ever constructed in Canada.

We’re wandering the halls, climbing the turrets, and exploring the never-ending parade of lavishly decorated rooms.

All of a sudden I heard something beautiful drifting through the marble and hardwood hallways. It was the aria Il Dolce Suono from Donizetti’s Lucia di Lammermoor opera.  And it sounded like it was being sung live.

I made my way towards the sound and ended up at the edge of the balcony that overlooked the main hall. There, at another, smaller balcony, not 15 feet from me, was the source of the music – a young woman – delivering an unaccompanied live performance for the visitors to the castle.

It was incredible. Despite the acoustics of the hall (most decidedly NOT designed for opera) she did a great job with several famous arias. To hear that almost-private performance in the home of an industrialist robber baron made me feel like I should be wearing an ivory linen suit in the style of the Great Gatsby.

Finally she concluded with a rendition of Ave Maria, curtsied, waved, and then disappeared from her balcony.

…Afterwards, as I was on my way down the hallways of the castle, I saw the same diva again. Some fan had cornered her and was fawning over her performance.

As I got a little closer I could see her nodding with a polite smile plastered on her face in response to what seemed like a very one-sided conversation.Then I was able to overhear what the dude was saying… 

“What a gift,” he sighed, “What an amazing gift.”

I couldn’t help myself. “What a lot of work!” I interrupted.

She used the interruption to disengage and get on her way, but not before flashing me what seemed like a giant smile of gratitude.  I squeezed past her now lonely admirer on my quest to find the castle’s secret passageways and tunnels."

I am reminded by our STORM retreat a couple of years ago where we talked about the pitfalls have having a natural talent and being praised for the talent rather than the hard work in perfecting the talent. Talent IS overrated. Be careful of the pitfall of relying on your talents to get you by. It will work in the short run, but in the long run, hard work and practice will overcome anyone’s natural abilities.

As we drill and practice our martial arts, we must remember that the pay off is down the road. In the future as we demonstrate our ‘talents’, in reality we will be demonstrating the many, many hours of practice, patience with ourselves, the bumps and bruises we have sustained, and ultimately, the demonstration of the will to not quit.

Others might see it as a gift, but you will know differently.

Train Strong to Remain Strong!

-Sigung Kelly

Note: Stephen Kesting is a student of Tuhan and Grandmaster Philip Gelinas of Montreal, Quebec, Canada.  Gelinas is the author of the Kajukenbo Family Tree and has been on the KSDI board of directors for many years. GM Gelinas is a stick fighter and knife fighter practitioner. GM Gelinas is a special guest instructor for Grandmaster Lim this year for the Malama Ohana event. He is a ‘must see’ martial artist. 

Student of the Month - Ryanne

Favorite Color - Rainbow

Favorite Food - Pizza

Favorite Subject in School  - Biology, Art

Tell us about your family - 1 brother, 2 sisters Lachlan (6) goes to Kaju, Tamsyn (16) hula, 

Maia (21) lives in Washington

Do you have any pets? Yes, dogs and cats.

Besides Kajukenbo, what other activities do you enjoy? Dance, gymnastics, running, swimming, snowboarding, hiking.

What do you like most about training at Kajukenbo AZ? I like learning blocks and strikes, grappling.

Student of the Month - Charlie

Favorite Color - Blue

Favorite Food - Pizza

Favorite Subject in School  - Math

Tell us about your family - I love them

Besides Kajukenbo, what other activities do you enjoy? Playing with legos, going to the movies.

What do you like most about training at Kajukenbo AZ? Punches.

What are your intentions – and what are your actions?

Grandmaster Lim once said to me  “Know your intentions. If you are going to strike, then strike. If you are going to run, then run. But know what you are going to do, and then do it.”

To me this means that what is in our brains had better be revealed in our actions, otherwise: no success.

I was reminded recently about intentions watching an associate struggle with hardships he created himself although his “intentions” were otherwise.  Bottom line: Saying it doesn’t make it so. I think this conflict inhibits our success in a huge way.  If we can get our intentions in alignment with our actions, what an amazing life we can have!

How do we facilitate living with intention, thus turning our intention into action?

Motivational speaker and close friend of Pit Master, Tony Robbins has a ritual that he does every morning, no matter what. He says it focuses his minds on his intentions and how he will create the actions necessary to carry them out.  Every morning, he takes a walk for at least 10-minutes and then thinks about these things (in order);

        

1. Think of 3 things you are grateful for.

2. Thing of how you are going to help others today

3. Imagine the life you want to create, vividly as if it has already happened.

Tony Robbins says: “I challenge you to make your life a masterpiece. I challenge you to join the ranks of those people who live what they teach, who walk their talk.”

Attention is the glue that helps our actions become in alignment with our intentions. As we pay attention to our goals, we will start doing the things that are needed to further our goals. As we pay attention to what we do and what we say we can analyze ourselves and make adjustments either to our goals or our actions.

Remember the mantra "Mind, Body, Spirit…as One?”  This reminds me of the importance of our intentions being aligned with our actions. I believe that it takes constant effort for us to be striving for that alignment. And the result of that effort is success. The opposite cannot even be considered failure, just confusion and random happenstance.

And remember, we make the world a better place by our actions, not just our intentions. Lets put our actions to work and let our actions speak for themselves.

There it is – do what you say.  Live your intentions. If you can’t, change and adapt it.  It seems we are guaranteed a successful life by doing this. I certainly want that!

Professor Kelly

Train Hard, Be Happy

Well, it finally happened. Our oldest son moved out. Looking back on the day he was born (which seems like yesterday) I knew this day would come but honestly it came fast. Granted there were plenty of days...perhaps weeks...nay years....that I thought the day would never come. Luckily he was smart enough to do it when he was ready, when the right opportunity presented itself and now every one can feel good about it. It's going to be awesome seeing his life unfold in his new adventure.

This process has caused me to think about how much of our life is seeking for happiness. For some, that perfect balance in life occurs when all is well and we have nothing to complain about. For others it might be the new car or the bigger house or the next career change. In my experience, many individuals that are waiting for happiness are stuck in a depressed state. They are waiting and hoping for the change that will finally give them the happiness they deserve.

The saying 'the grass is always greener' applies especially to those that seek material things or changes in order to finally become happy. I believe that happiness should come from within ourselves; we should be the primary determiners of our happiness. But how do we get there?

"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have." ~Frederick Koenig.

The happiest people I know are the ones that generate happiness and exude it to those around them. I love being around these people! They are quick to forgive and spend very little time judging. They notice the little details about a situation that are good and positive and that can be built upon. One of my good friends always has a smile on his face - no matter what kind of turmoil is happening in his life. He is truly is a happy person.

Why are the happiest people I know some of the most successful? Is it because of their success that they are happy? Watching them I see that the reason for their success is their happiness. Their happiness generates a wave of good that benefits their lives in so many ways, success is inevitable.

The truth about happiness is that you yourself are in charge of it. YOU get to decide WHEN to be happy, when to be offended and who to be angry with. You can also decide to let the past be the past and bygones be bygones.

We also want happiness for our kids. But how do we know what makes them happy? Is it material things? Or is it awards and recognition? We know that basing our happiness on external recognition or on things that we acquire will make for an unhappy life. But how do we help our children be happy?

Here's a quote from the book by Tim Elmore that I mentioned last month:

"Adults have been committed to giving kids a strong self-esteem for 30 years now. We wrongly assumed we could do that by simply telling them they're special and awesome. According to the American Psychological Association, healthy and robust self-esteem actually comes from achievement, not merely affirmation. In our attempt to provide everything they want, we've actually created a new category of at-risk children: middle-class and affluent kids who are depressed because they've never really accomplished anything. We must teach and parent for the long term, not the short term. Sure, doing it yourself is quicker, but transferring a skill is much better" (Excerpt From: Tim Elmore. "12 Huge Mistakes Parents Can Avoid.")

Most children love a gift or a present. But how long does that present generate happiness and joy? It is a temporary thing and after the newness wears off, what's next? I know as a parent, I have sometimes sacrificed constructive time for leisure time to be 'the good guy' and make sure my child was happy. But this can't be the norm and that time is also very temporary.

Downtime is good for everyone. Entertainment can be positive and even uplifting. But it should not be our sole means for generating happiness. It places too much emphasis on the external versus our internal processes that control our moods.

As parents and leaders to the children we have influence over, we should avoid entertaining to make them happy. Instead we should work on teaching the tools and recognizing their gifts that will enable them to succeed. As these young persons work towards their goals they will find happiness in their own efforts of accomplishment.

At Kajukenbo Arizona, it is our goal to give everyone the tools to be able to work hard and accomplish goals. We strive to not compare or compete destructively to ourselves. Sweating and working generates a good feeling and allows us to purge the bad thought or bad attitudes that bring us down. Kaju AZ should always be a source of happiness and success and I hope it is for you and your children!

Thank you for your continued support! Train Strong to Remain Strong!

-Professor Kelly Corder

Gaining Strength Through Struggles

One of my favorite Kaju AZ events each year is the Parent Appreciation Dinner. Having been a parent of two martial arts students, I know first-hand the efforts you each make to support not only your children but our Ohana as well. It’s always a great opportunity to mingle and get to know each other better, enjoy a great meal, share my love of pie-making and perhaps most importantly, express our philosophy about our kids programs.

This year we will be talking about how we can help our children face and overcome their challenges on their own.

Many of us as parents feel it is our duty to take away the pain and reduce the difficulty of the tasks for our kids. We want the best for our kids and somehow, over time, we have come to believe that the best includes the elimination of pain, sorrow and struggle.

Bruce Lee said “Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one."

We forget that in our own lives we have endured and overcome trials that have included pain, heartache and the requirement of much effort to overcome the situation. These periods in which we endured and overcame represent huge growth in our lives. Sometimes it seems we think that we can transfer our learning experiences to our children by talking about the experiences and preventing them from experiencing it for him or herself.

Don’t you remember the stove? I think most of us have the same story in our childhood. My mom told me not to touch it. That it was hot and I would get burned. So what did I do? I touched it. I got burned. And because of the experience that included pain, I never (willingly) touched it again.

When Sibak Nic was 10 1/2, he went to Scout Camp that I was a leader for. All of the Scouts were 12 or 13. For one of the merit badges, the scouts were told to get ready for a hike and take whatever they needed. Some kids took their packs, or a jacket, or other items. Some took nothing. Unbeknownst to the scouts, they were about to “get lost” and not make it back to the safety of camp. They had to make a shelter to sleep in that night. They were only given an orange and an egg to eat or not eat. No silverware, no matches, no normal luxuries of camping. It was an out of the ordinary experience. Some of the scouts struggled due to their lack of preparedness. It was a rough night. Amazingly, those same scouts to this day talk about that night and what an AWESOME experience it was. The struggle and the overcoming the struggle was the reward.

In general, I have an attitude that my sons SHOULD fall down and get back up again on their own. THAT’S LIFE. It’s going to happen! I hate seeing them struggle but know it is necessary.

But even with that attitude I know I could have done better with letting them struggle and even fail more. Their easily-achieved successes haven’t had the same impact as the ones they “suffered” through. Too often I think I arranged the situation so that a success was a guarantee with the intention of boosting their self-esteem. In doing so, I may have stolen the learning impact of the struggle and perhaps taken away true happiness that earned success affords.

When we make it too easy, the sense of accomplishment is diminished. It’s the attempt over and over again and then, finally, the win that teaches us some important principles, such as:

 
  Effort and practice makes us better

  Effort may eventually lead to victory

  We are NOT good at everything

  We can SOMETIMES become good at things we are not so good at

  Sometimes, we will fail. What do we do about it?

We want our kids to be successful. We want the best for them. The best way to achieve this is to give them the tools to earn that success and strive for the best on their own.

Our kids program, by my design, WILL be a challenge for the students. They will have to put forth the effort to succeed. Success is not automatic - and they will fall down a few times before the milestones are achieved. They might get knocked down and they might even get hurt. They will overcome the pain, and they will learn and grow. Their challenges will be physical, mental and spiritual: mind, body, spirit as one.

One thing I am certain of: when our Dragons or Juniors have achieved their goal, they will be proud of the accomplishment. They will understand what it takes to succeed. They will feel that true happiness in themselves that comes from reaping the rewards of their own effort. They will carry that forward into all areas of their lives and be better prepared for what life is preparing for them. I know it’s the right thing and I have enjoyed seeing it play out dozens, perhaps even hundreds, of times inside and outside the dojo.

Train Strong to Remain Strong!

 -Sigung Kelly

Student of the Month - David

Favorite Color - Blue

Favorite Food - Sushi

Profession - Emergency Physician

Tell us about your family - Wife - Ellie, Sons - Alex - 4, Jacob - 1-½

Besides Kajukenbo, what other activities do you enjoy? Spending time with family, swimming, movies, video games.

What do you like most about training at Kaju AZ? The great atmosphere. Everyone is very welcoming. We train hard but have a great time doing it.

What are your goals for the next year, in and out of the dojo? Lower my stress.