Well, it finally happened. Our oldest son moved out. Looking back on the day he was born (which seems like yesterday) I knew this day would come but honestly it came fast. Granted there were plenty of days...perhaps weeks...nay years....that I thought the day would never come. Luckily he was smart enough to do it when he was ready, when the right opportunity presented itself and now every one can feel good about it. It's going to be awesome seeing his life unfold in his new adventure.
This process has caused me to think about how much of our life is seeking for happiness. For some, that perfect balance in life occurs when all is well and we have nothing to complain about. For others it might be the new car or the bigger house or the next career change. In my experience, many individuals that are waiting for happiness are stuck in a depressed state. They are waiting and hoping for the change that will finally give them the happiness they deserve.
The saying 'the grass is always greener' applies especially to those that seek material things or changes in order to finally become happy. I believe that happiness should come from within ourselves; we should be the primary determiners of our happiness. But how do we get there?
The truth about happiness is that you yourself are in charge of it. YOU get to decide WHEN to be happy, when to be offended and who to be angry with. You can also decide to let the past be the past and bygones be bygones.
We also want happiness for our kids. But how do we know what makes them happy? Is it material things? Or is it awards and recognition? We know that basing our happiness on external recognition or on things that we acquire will make for an unhappy life. But how do we help our children be happy?
Here's a quote from the book by Tim Elmore that I mentioned last month:
"Adults have been committed to giving kids a strong self-esteem for 30 years now. We wrongly assumed we could do that by simply telling them they're special and awesome. According to the American Psychological Association, healthy and robust self-esteem actually comes from achievement, not merely affirmation. In our attempt to provide everything they want, we've actually created a new category of at-risk children: middle-class and affluent kids who are depressed because they've never really accomplished anything. We must teach and parent for the long term, not the short term. Sure, doing it yourself is quicker, but transferring a skill is much better" (Excerpt From: Tim Elmore. "12 Huge Mistakes Parents Can Avoid.")
Most children love a gift or a present. But how long does that present generate happiness and joy? It is a temporary thing and after the newness wears off, what's next? I know as a parent, I have sometimes sacrificed constructive time for leisure time to be 'the good guy' and make sure my child was happy. But this can't be the norm and that time is also very temporary.
Downtime is good for everyone. Entertainment can be positive and even uplifting. But it should not be our sole means for generating happiness. It places too much emphasis on the external versus our internal processes that control our moods.
As parents and leaders to the children we have influence over, we should avoid entertaining to make them happy. Instead we should work on teaching the tools and recognizing their gifts that will enable them to succeed. As these young persons work towards their goals they will find happiness in their own efforts of accomplishment.
At Kajukenbo Arizona, it is our goal to give everyone the tools to be able to work hard and accomplish goals. We strive to not compare or compete destructively to ourselves. Sweating and working generates a good feeling and allows us to purge the bad thought or bad attitudes that bring us down. Kaju AZ should always be a source of happiness and success and I hope it is for you and your children!
Thank you for your continued support! Train Strong to Remain Strong!
-Professor Kelly Corder
