When I see a proud dad watch and worry over his child’s tournament performance, I can relate. When I see parents stressed when their child gets injured, I can relate. When I see a frazzled mom come in with a kid screaming “I hate karate,” I can relate.
We decided that our kids were going to do martial arts early on. Both of us were intrigued by martial arts and my husband always wanted to train but his family situation did not allow it until he was married and on his own.
Our oldest loved karate right from the beginning. He was always smiling and excited to go to class. Never questioned his instructors and worked hard. There isn’t one picture of him in his gi that he isn’t smiling. “Hey Nic, you are going to compete in a tournament” “WOW MOM, I am so excited.”
Second son… not so much and quite the opposite. In fact, there isn’t one picture of him in his gi that he isn’t crying (at least for the first 3 years). “Cam let’s get in the car for karate.” “I can’t like it.”
Bless Grandmaster and Aunty Lim’s hearts…there were literally times I walked Cam into their dojo, handed him off and walked away. Much like a grenade I guess. They always said not to worry, he was fine and that they wanted him there.
But I knew better because I sat in the car and watched through the window. He was crying a good portion of the time. The non-crying times he had the grumpiest look on his face. Almost all the time he was standing right next to Grandmaster while he taught so that he wouldn’t be a disruption. I am not even sure he did one thing he was asked to do. And if he did, he probably did it with more attitude than acceptable. He never even smiled after class. His few words usually expressed his strong dislike of me and karate.
It would have been a lot easier then to just throw in the towel and let him, as a 4-5 year old make his own decision. It did not feel right to do that so we became THOSE parents…the mean ones.
The reasons we “forced” him were simple…he lacked the education and experience necessary to know what was good for him (don’t tell him but in some cases, he still does!). So my husband and I decided for him. There was absolutely no way that a short amount of karate was going to be beneficial. We could have enrolled him in a school in which kids earn black belts in a year, but that was the worst thing we could do. There were qualities and skills from martial arts that we wanted – and HE NEEDED – to learn.
Self-Defense. Physical fitness. Leadership. Goal setting. Camaraderie. Compassion. Self-Control. Loyalty. Courage. Honesty. Integrity. Respect. Confidence. Time management. Balance in life. Commitment. Sportsmanship. The thrill of victory. The agony of defeat. And so much more.
It got easier as they were older. When they hinted they were tired of karate we “discussed” it more. Tried to figure out if they were just trying to be lazy or if there was some other motivation (like girls). I always said “it’s only 2 hours a week, how about we cut out some TV time or computer time and then you can do all of it.” When they wanted to try new activities or sports, I said okay but let’s do karate once a week to maintain your hard-earned material. I maintained that I could see the future differently than they could and they would thank me.
Flash forward 15 years and guess what, martial arts are a huge part of our family and my sons lives (more than we ever thought). I no longer have to force them to go although there are times I know they wrestle with wanting to give up their leisure time. Funny thing is I hear them say the same things I told them when they were growing up to others “It’s only 2 hours a week” “Don’t give up now.” “We aren’t quitters, let’s finish this.” “You will feel better after class.” I never told either of my sons that they had to do karate forever…I only said they needed to gain a good amount of skill before I would let them decide to stay or go.
Aunty Jen
